Principle #6: You First, Then Others
I know it goes against our culture. When it comes to family, our children come first. Sometimes, our parents come first. Even our siblings come first.
It's very Asian for us to work endlessly to give our children a good education and a better life, sparing them from hardships and possibly not making them work another day of their lives.
We were also brought up to think that our parents become our responsibility when they become old and unable to work. After all, they sacrificed so much to get us to where we are now.
And in many cases, we also feel responsible for the welfare of our younger siblings, particularly if we have become relatively more successful.
There is, of course, nothing wrong with taking care of our loved ones.
But there are inherent problems with this kind of thinking. If you read "The Millionaire Next Door", you've learned that millionaires never spoiled their kids by giving them everything they want.
If we give our kids a life of luxury and comfort by giving them everything to them, we're actually harming them than helping them. There's less motivation to work hard because they see you as their human ATM.
There's also nothing wrong with taking care of our parents when they get old. But remember that the money you spend on their medicine, hospital bills, food, etc. means less money you can spend for your kids and yourself.
Does that sound harsh? After all, they gave everything to you. It's your obligation to give a little something back. If that's your situation, then by all means provide financial support.
If your parents have enough saved for their retirements, thank them for being responsible parents. Then follow their example.
Either way, you have to start with yourself so you don't repeat the cycle. Ask yourself: Do you want to be a financial burden to your children when you're old and grey? If you believe in giving everything to your kids, then perhaps you expect to be treated the same way later on. It's an unwritten social contract.
However, if you want your grown-up kids in the future to be able to use their money for themselves and their own kids, then get serious about planning for retirement.
Unfortunately, for many of us, our kids are our retirement plans. But this shouldn't be the case.
If you do agree that funding your own retirement and long-term care is the right thing to do, then you have to accept the principle of putting yourself first before others.
Sure, there may be things you would not compromise, like quality education for your kids. But between putting aside regular savings for your retirement versus buying the latest Honda Civic for your college boy, put yourself first.
It's not being selfish. Because when you get old, you will not put the burden on junior. That's selfless.
